To all the sisters AND brothers that can say #metoo – which in our culture I would say is all of us, for we ALL have a warped sense of our identity (and thus why there even is abuse)….my heart is breaking, breaking, breaking with compassion as I see the stories and hear the trauma we have endured.
My soul is also breaking for the energy that seems to be being stirred by this movement. Energy that seems to once again be causing a divide into “me vs. other”. Energy that seems like we must FIGHT that “other” in order to be heard, seen, known …and safe.
To my sisters, I pray that you will hear my heart and know that I love you, I see you. I have compassion for your suffering. For I too have had my fair share of this hand.
And yet, I implore you, if I may, to not stay in the victimhood mode longer than is helpful. Yes, fully claim that you have been victimized so you can reclaim the energy that is locked in the victim. Then move into the energy of the Survivor with your sites on the Thriver. So that you can be an answer, a solution to the issue of sexual abuse beyond just another voice of the victim – even if just to the immediate men and women in your own circle – for that is HUGE. May you can find your power and never accept treatment of your Self that is less than. It is so possible. I promise you it is.
May you realize how much more POWER you have to change this situation personally, individually than perhaps you ever realized you had. May you learn how to show people how you may and may not be treated. May you learn how to use language – both verbal and non-verbal – to communicate your truth and your respect for yourself and expect others to do the same – if they want to share space and have your energy. If they don’t, if they won’t – move on immediately.
And may you find the commonality with your brothers around this issue instead of keeping them solely as the perpetrators, the enemies. May you find the son, the brother, the father inside of you that can connect with the external man – for I promise you they are hurting too. They need our strong nurturing guidance right now to know in clear cut terms how to step up and meet us. They need strong standards that let them know when they are out of line, with soft firm corrections that tell them what is and isn’t acceptable in how they treat us. So they know how to treat themselves – that feminine part of themselves…reflected in us.
Don’t give them access to you, to your energy, to your body if they are not meeting your standards of how you want to be treated. Period. Resolve to be alone and safe if you have to – instead of putting up with less than just in order to have a warm body next to you. Don’t rely on men to keep you safe. Rely on yourself. Then, most likely then you will find men that will reflect this inner resolve that you have.
And let us not be so blind to our own Shadows that we never admit to ourselves that we have abused others – even the men. May we swallow our pride and our shame that we have a part in this creation too – and may we learn to ask for forgiveness for our part.
To my brothers: my heart goes out to you. For I know that you are not immune to the effects of the sexual abuse this society dishes out to all of us – including you. And for the shit-storm of energy that you have being blasted at you right now in regards to this issue. My heart breaks that you are being made the enemy – and that this is perpetuating this cycle instead of healing it. You all have a LOT of work to do – and so do the women if we wish to stop blaming the Other and start doing the really hard work of healing.
Everything I say to my sisters about how we want men to treat us – I would echo to you on how you allow women to treat you. Our shadows are deep, our shadows are less seen in how we belittle, dehumanize and demean you. Don’t accept this treatment. Don’t abuse the Other in your attempt to stand up for yourself – yet don’t allow women to treat you as less than the Souls that you are.
For me, your journey, your shadows, your ways of treating women has been exactly what I needed to wake up and take ownership of my life and my voice – to learn what I will and will not accept as to how I will be treated.
While I am tired of doing the work here on Earth school, this is Earth School and work is what is required of me in ALL areas of my life – especially in regards to my Self and my self-esteem. I must be RELENTLESS in my awareness on all levels, most of all with my Self, if I want to be treated as the Soul I know I am. I cannot expect anyone else to do the work of teaching you how I want to be treated. If I feel misunderstood, abused, sexually assaulted, I have to do the work to figure out how to not allow this energy into my life. And I will. It is an honor and a privilege. It all starts with me, with my own inner ME.
In my journey, as I leave and left behind abuses of all kinds that started in the crib pre-verbally, this has had to become my motto for life:
Stop waiting for other people to get how they have harmed me. Stop waiting for them to understand and stop waiting for them to get IT right for me – to figure out how to treat me. Stop waiting for whomever it is, whether it be Big Brother, pastors/priests/facilitators/yoga/spiritual instructors, family members, lovers, friends, children, or whomever.
No more will I put my energy towards waiting for them, trying to make them see the world the way I want them to and hoping they will make the changes they need to make for me. Cause that in essence is fighting energy against their journey – resistance energy towards my own inner call, ignoring my responsibility to own my life fully and to set my standards of what I will allow/not allow into my life.
Instead I will take action and ownership over my own experience. I will move forward and live my life as an example of how I want to be in this world, of how I want to be treated, of what my standards are for engaging with me in my energy field. For myself, for my friends, for my boys. For those I wish to see themselves through my eyes – for those I wish to see how much power they truly have. I will stop waiting for them to be the example to me and instead I will be the example for me to me and to them.
When I fall down, which I WILL in this Earth School, when I realize I allowed myself to be treated as less than – I will thank the other for reflecting this back to me, will firm up my standards and PRACTICE communicating them yet again – and again – and again.
Or when I have to swallow my pride and realize I treated another with what they might consider abuse (for don’t let me be fooled that no one is ever negatively affected by me) – I will practice asking for Forgiveness.
If I ever arrive at some place where I am always treated as I wish to be treated – then I will not know what to do then…
Those who want to come along – by all means are welcome.
Those that wish to not, those that want to continue to have my energy and time in other ways than what I have decided for myself…I thank them for the lessons, wish them well on their journey and maybe I will see them again later down the spiraling path.