I’ve been doing a bit of research on us moms, attempting to identify what our really urgent problem is that keeps us from living in our sensuality and pleasure.
What I found didn’t surprise me.
Not unntil today when I saw that the joke is on us
While we SAY we LOVE having kids and that being a mom is the greatest gift on earth…it seems we are all mostly, secretly hating our lives.
We are all running around with our heads cut off, stressed out, overwhelmed ~ in so much physical exhaustion we don’t even know it – so we keep repeating the process. We feel disrespected, devalued, unworthy ~ like slaves to those we love. We – me included – end up barking orders, screaming at the top of our lungs when we are disobeyed and making threats.
And that’s just at the kids.
We are notorious male haters and bashers – or at least a lot of us – expecting our men to simply be able to read our minds and thus know our needs and take care of them. Little do we see that we are still believing in the fantasy of the magical Prince Charming we are so against our kids watching now. Dope!
Yet, here’s the kicker: by now – we KNOW MEN – “won’t get it”. So in reality, we cannot wait to prance on them like a tigress taking back our den – giving us some relief from the miserable life we are living as a mom. We bitch them out, blame them for our lack of unhappiness and for all the oppression against our gender – unknowingly staying in the victim role and thus in “their power” over us.
Then, to top it off we go around our lives and the internet complaining and saying, “woo is me…I’ve got it so darn tough,” like some sappy horrible Western Country song that you cannot get out of your head.
“So, Holli – how is this a joke??? It feels so real and honest to me,” you say. And you are right.
Let me start with the Coyote and her medicine as the trickster. In the Native American tribes, the Coyote was seen as the Wise Fool. One who knew how to play the Fool in order to make things so OBVIOUSLY ridiculous, you find wisdom.
Yes, my dear sister/mom – it seems God (or whatever you call that energy) is using a bit of this medicine in the lives of moms on this planet.
See – we have somehow bought into a “foolish” memo that is really there to teach us wisdom:
*It selfish for moms to take time out for themselves to do some self-care and pampering, and even more selfish for us to have time to ourselves to continue to discover who we are and why we are here.
*We are only good moms when we sacrifice EVERY PART of what makes us us in order to be the beck and call of our kids – and spouse…and boss.
*Living in pain, stress and overwhelm is part of the game and that you haven’t “arrived” (to where??) if you aren’t living on copious amounts of caffeine and/or sugar, little sleep and lots of adrenaline.
*Living in the drama all this creates is what it means to be alive – so that we can write really good posts about it all, feel seen and get lots of “likes”.
Oh, and I think the kicker for me is this:
- That being in PAIN is a good and NEEDED THING in our world!
I mean how many times have you heard people talk about how painful their workout was – so it must be good? Or how about the song “You make it hurt so good”?
Are you freakin’ kidding me? Really? Why are we so in love with being in pain? Why do we feel alive when we are in pain, yet fear really GREAT pleasure that can take us to a different state naturally?
The thing is – all of the above is plain foolishness. That I and most of us buy into.
How off the wall crazy is that mama??
A water well cannot supply water if there is no water in it.
We cannot provide a better life for our kids if we aren’t living it ourselves.
Likewise, a woman who doesn’t tend to her watery emotional soul life, nor to the proper balancing of her actual physical water (with body work, healthy food, fun/entertaining movement and proper rest/sleep), nor steep up a lot of pleasure and joy in her life ===> well she is a dried up well…with no nourishment to give those around her!
Do you get it? Do you get how we are being played the fool my dear mama sister?
The Coyote is saying, “Wake up dear woman! No one can cunt*trol your water supply but yourself.
Your kids can’t fill up your tank and tell you how amazing your are…they don’t have that freakin language mostly because you aren’t giving it to them by your example. They had to take from you to survive, and you continue to train them to take from you way past the time needed.
Your partner neither can fill up tank. He too is dry.
Yet, you shed your frustration of THINKING you are being disrespected by theses people – not valued, worthy, etc by them ~ thus wrongly displace anger and pain. In reality you are not valuing yourself enough to make yourself valuable. Neither do you speak up for your needs – and have no idea what you desire nor yearn for because you do not talk to your own Soul.
So I will continue to play this joke on you, to help you wake up. Until you get that you cannot take on everyone else’s life for them…the only Soul you can take on is your own.”
A wise elder mother just spoke to me these words:
“Choose what you want the moms that will come to you – what they will experience…then go out and experience it first.”
God – yes! I don’t want to live a life stressed out and in pain. I want to experience pleasure, and FUN and joy – with my kids, by myself, in my sexual life and beyond!
The thing is…I won’t give you the false hope that you can just think these things and create it.
We are on this planet to experience in the physical body the non-physical world. Which means we have to do some work.
We have a LOT of old indoctrinational beliefs that have led us to where we are – both individually and culturally.
So in order to get to the pleasure, joy and fun – know these things:
- Bring the old to the LIGHT! Honor what is coming up for you now, with no judgement nor condemnation. Name what thoughts/feelings/emotions/beliefs are there, as it is without trying to change it. Get it out of you physically by speaking or writing it out.
- Feel it in your body and know it won’t last forever. Move it through and out through any form of movement – including screaming, crying or throwing a tantrum!(sign up for my newsletter up there to the right and get your FREE Art of the Mommy Tantrum!)
- Create a Rewire: what new thought do you want to become your new belief and eventually subconscious behavior?
- Experience the freedom and spaciousness this creates inside of you – allowing you to be lighter with less suppressed tension…and to experience more pleasure and joy!
- Lather, rinse and repeat as needed – knowing sometimes this process can take a few moments to a few years for the bigger obstacles…and that it comes in cycles with a rhythm – like all else in the feminine body of a mother.
So get out there, dear mama sister and start moving through your shit so that you can get to the good stuff. No one can do it for you…and complaining about the old shit more than a few times – well is it really helping you EXPERIENCE the life you want??
* At a retreat a young woman of 9 years age “mistakenly” (but not really) wrote this: “Do not let others cuntrol you.” Get it?? Your “cunt” (formly a powerful word for women’s Yoni’s or vaginas but stolen and made a derogatory one) is yours! Don’t buy into the illusion others can control you through cutting you off from your cunt*ry, or using it for themselves. Her mom and I loved it so much. T-shirts are probably on their way.